As the Christmas season is drawing close, I sit in bed and wonder what this year's Christmas will bring. I suppose like the Christmas before, I will be at work.
If there is anything in the world I wish for now and I shall be very selfish, I wish for you. I don't know who you are, where you are. I just wish for that special someone to be mine.
No, I don't want a fling or a special friend. I want a deeply commitment relationship yet I run for the hills at the prospect of settling down. I am quite confused and of two minds. Finding the right someone is not exactly easy. I reckon it's as hard as winning tatts lotto.
I look around and see people around me in relationships and I wish I had that. Most look outwardly happy. Whether or not behind the scenes they're truly happy, I can never be certain. I don't want transient happiness yet I know, happiness doesn't last forever. We need to constantly find our own happiness and own it. It can not be delivered on a silver platter. I find the more I try to find it, the more it eludes me. Am I trying to hard?
Contentment I have been told is the route to happiness. But won't that lead to stagnation? Being content with the current situation, I wouldn't strive haarder to gain more. Does that mean I'm just greedy? A glutton for worldly pursuits and happiness?
And so what would I really like for Christmas? I want you. Yes, a man who I could truly love without reservation. Someone who won't scare me away. Someone I can trust and love and look forward to at the end of the day. Someone that inspires me to see things in a different way. Someone I can laugh with. Someone I know should I get sick, will stay by my death bed and sit quietly with me, no questions asked.
Someone I willingly cook and clean for without resentment. Someone who makes me want to be a better person for.
No, I will not sacrifice my wants just because I am lonely. I will hold out til I meet him. The countdown begins for Christmas.
